A Follow-Up Post and Other Things

~ Gossip Girl

All I really need to say about this is: Blair for President. I love her and her adorable face. The show is really at its best with Serena is obviously a parody of herself (which is most of the time post-Season Two), and Blair is being a BAMF. I’m not quite yet a Blair/Dan shipper – that’ll probably take me watching this year’s season, plus I’m not a Dan-fan (Jenny was much more interesting, I wish they had slowed down her plotline so that we could have seen more of her)… but I’m always a fan of Blair getting whatever she wants, so if she wants Dan – all the more power to her. I really love the little character moments that they start giving Blair/Chuck during their short-lived “happy” stage (aka: role-playing with him as a waiter!!!!) and while I know that the show couldn’t have stayed in that space, it was lovely while it lasted.

~ Doctor Who

            I sum up the world thusly:

Ten makes me cry, every time. No matter what is going on, if he is on screen, you can bet your ass that I’m misty-eyed. He’s all that is darkness and angst and pain. And I love how he hurts so good.

Eleven makes me smile – I feel… full after an episode with Eleven/the Ponds. I love their little family unit. I love how fracking AMAZING Amy is, how loveable Rory is, how fracked up and child-like River can be. I love them ALL.

More than anything, I love that Amy’s mind is where the series now lives… without her, nothing is Real anymore. How they expect to replace her with a new companion? I’ll never know. (I’m hoping for an 18^th/19thCentury Pond – a distant relation of Amy, not from our own Time, because I think an out-of-Time companion would be a real delight at this stage.)

I don’t ship Eleven/River. I’m of this mind: her true relationship is with Twelve. She constantly makes references to how “young” Eleven’s eyes are (she said the same of Ten, as well), which makes me think that the bulk of her romantic relationship is actually with Twelve. That in the Twelve-seasons we’ll see more of her, and (should there be) Thirteen will be life Post-River (this would be a spectacular opportunity for either [a] a Female Doctor OR [b] a Doctor/River-Offspring) … Also, I ship Tardis/Eleven the most. (I have a strong desire to know why Ten didn’t have River downloaded into the Tardis – rather than leaving her in the library with… all those people she doesn’t even know! Weird.)

I HAVE FEELINGS!

~ Camelot

Possibly the BEST adaptation of the King Arthur stories that is out there (in tv form specifically). I ship Merlin with… EVERYONE (it’s hard not to, the man walks into the room with an “I could totally bone you, but I’m choosing not to in this precise moment” look on his face) Also – he is the hero of the series and his utter devotion and love for Morgana is just! SO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS! Yes, this is all underlying, in-between the lines, speculation – but it’s also TRUTHY-TRUTH. Also – Eva Green plays Morgana. She has the best costumes. Also, is the best of all the best. Am completely in love with her. She hurts so good.

Also – Gawain is an adorable BAMF that they find in a decrepit old church, who just wants to (get this) LEARN HOW TO READ. Also I think he’s in love with Merlin. Possibly. Or I just want him to be.

~ Mockingjay

There are too many thoughts.

I finished the series.

I think Suzanne Collins is the most incredible writer of all time. She does what Feminists have been trying, in literature, to do for a very, very long time.

I love that even in the end, Katniss is still SHAFTED into the role of “this is womanhood” no matter what – her own actions are used as a parody of herself to the very end. There is no escape from capital-w Womanhood for Katniss – or for anyone. These novels were darker than they even appear; their commentary on the Symbol of Woman is just… beautiful in its accuracy, in its steadfastness, in its unapologetic portrayal of the gruesomeness of the fact. Katniss isn’t a hero, she should not be emulated, she is a warning – she’s an abused, used, broken person who is unable at any turn to be a real person, she is always the Symbol – the avatar for Meaning. It’s disgusting… it’s true. It’s hard and it hurts, because it never ends. And I just want to hug her always. Because even we, the readers of her story, need her to be broken, need her to Bear the Meaning of Womanhood for us; she is so much less and so much more than a character – she is a multi-layered symbol of socio-political need, for her own world and for ours as well.

And that! Is beautiful, awful, wonderful, vile, lovely, disgusting, needed …

… we betray her in reading her story, in needing her to be betrayed in order to understand our own place in the world. She betrays us by always being what we need her to be, by being the Symbol of her own story, by being always smaller and bigger than her story.

Katniss is.

 I also think that she deserves better than Gale OR Peeta – but, it’s possible that I have been feeling that way about most love-triangles lately.

~ Cabin in the Woods

There have been a lot of reviews of this film. And I’m not really going to add to any of your wonderful words except to say this:

Dollhouse, to me, felt like Joss taking off the gloves – he was saying “Enough playing, enough dirty jokes, this Shit is for real and you’re gonna pay the FUCK attention this time.” It was serious, it was gross, it was heavy-handed, it was Joss at the end of his patience saying: There is something wrong and it has to change.

Cabin is the logical follow-up to all of that. He’s playing again, but he’s still serious. The joke is the zombies – the source of fear is two middle-aged white men.

It was pretty perfect, all things considered.

There were moments when I said aloud: “You ass” and yes, I was talking to Joss. There were moments when I felt him sitting next to me, nudging me: “Get the joke? Get the joke? Dontchagetthejoke?! AREN’T I THE SMARTEST OF ALL THE SMARTIEPANTS?!”

Yes, Joss. You’re a smartiepants. You win at this game. Don’t be an ass about it. And don’t let it go to your head.

Also – even if you aren’t a fan of Dollhouse, watch it before seeing Cabin  - because Fran Kranz’ characters are reflective of each other… they are both more meaningful if you have seen him be BOTH, to go through the same struggle with two opposite outcomes. He is amazing.

           

~ Avengers

The Bromances! The Fandom! The whole time watching this (twice) I felt like I was seeing a glimpse of the set: of all these people who are fans of each other, who are fans of their work, of each other’s work, of comics, fans of fans … and that feeling infects every moment. There’s no moment where it feels like anyone on the set anywhere was working too hard – they’re all playing. One of the reasons why I love Clooney’s Ocean’s Eleven is because the whole thing feels like: “I wanted to play a game with my best friends, want to see what we did?” And that is what Avengers did for me: it felt like I was watching people just have a delightful time playing together.

This is going to be best once I can watch the Director’s Cut and see that extra hour of character-study that Joss did.

Also – I’ve seen some rumblings about Loki’s character arc in this film; that it is lacking. I would like to play devil’s advocate and claim that in fact, it is just subtle. I felt that Loki was stuck playing the villain, whether he wanted to be one or not (which is why the Shakespeare-scene between him and Thor is so phenomenal). He is relying on a system that he knows is flawed – he’s trying to expose that Human Society is flawed while simultaneously taking advantage of the fact that Human Society functions. He points out why Society is wrong – and then tells everyone how he’s going to use that to his advantage. Basically saying: if you really want the world to work this way, fine – I’ll go all the way with it; I will make your world the most extreme version of itself that it can be, that’ll make me the villain and that’s totally cool: because you will always be wrong. What were the Avengers protecting? A corrupt system. And Loki makes that clear. He’s not the real threat, they are. He’s being used by another, larger Other – and he can please both sides, but not himself. He’s miserable and terrified. ----- I almost felt like he wanted Thor to “defeat” him so that he would once again have the protection of the Asgard.

Also. The best fight scene was between Black Widow and Hawk-Eye. Hands down.

~ Dark Shadows

                       

The first 10 minutes were inspired and everything after that was just silly. The Gothic tropes flying everywhere in the introduction were perfect and stunning and funny if you like that sort of humor… and then it dropped the ball. There was a quote at the beginning about Blood – and how Blood mattered and then began a story about a woman who didn’t have “high class blood” and how she worked to gain social power. Only the film failed. Eva Green, a woman who should win all the things – wins nothing, and that beautiful metaphor of America vs. Europe and $$ vs. Blood fell over to ridiculous comedy … there could have been some interesting things done, nothing interesting was really done.

Although – it was neat to see a world populated by Female power, Depp’s character was the only adult!male with any Supernatural leanings – the real power was in the hands of the women…. Yet… only to service HIS goals.

Ugh. I should learn how to just watch a popcorn-movie and make my brain stop whirring. Only I can’t. So.

                       

~ The Vampire Diaries finale

            Was lovely and I’m full of love and.

            I want to have more to say, but I don’t.

            LOVE! ((huggle this angsty show and my morally dubious princess))

In other news, I finally created a fanfiction-dot-net account for myself and ALL THE WRITING I’ve been doing lately. One of my first reviews just tickled me pink: I wrote a piece a little while ago about DElena reading Wuthering Heights… my review: “You’re sick. I don’t get any of this.” *pats head of anonymous fic-reader* Thank you darling, H/C & D/E are supposed to be “sick”. I have achieved my goal.

Episode Reflections: Dr. Who

I just watched the Human Episodes.

OMG MY HEART IS BROKEN IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY!!!!

I hate David Tennant and his stupid face. And Martha's stupid face.

And ALL THE WRITERS.

I didn't like 10. For a really long time. I was dedicated to 9 with my whole heart.

And then Rose ... You know... And there was a single tear...

And then he cuddled a kitten (which should always/never happen)...

And then Martha made him open up... And I love her SO MUCH...

And then he was Human.

And now I want him in ALL THE THINGS.

Random thought ....

I find it extremely interesting when female characters are used by the narrative to give or prove the worth of the male characters....

I don't know why, but the idea of "women bearing meaning" just fascinated me.

SPN 5.2 "Good God, Ya'll"

Basically all I have to say about this episode is: saw the plot coming in the teaser. Wasn't expecting Ellen and Jo, though -  that was a lovely surprise!

Also - I love, love, love Ellen's interactions with Dean. They are perfection of all the perfect scenes of all. I love that she shows so very little interest in Sam, that she immediately is angry at Dean for not keeping in contact. There's family there, but that doesn't matter to Sam nearly as much as it does Dean - and I love that Ellen knows that so well.... there's more below about this. But. LOVE. Kids. I love this show sometimes.

Rating: 3/5 - extra points for Jo&Ellen and Ellen&Dean fancy

Favorite boy: Dean. (I may stop doing this ... )

And now... An email I sent myself earlier in the week::::

A thought I just had - re: early S5 SPN

 

I read Dean as female. I've made this statement before, and I stand by it. In a perfect world, Dean would have been Deanna and she would have been kick-ass. As it is, Dean is consistently represented as the domestic brother - the caregiver, the compassionate, the self-sacrificing. He is the character who puts the most emphasis on family and the livelihood of the people he cares for. Ellen doesn't slap Sam for not keeping in contact - she turns her anger on Dean, she knows he is the one who is supposed to care, who is supposed to call. (oh there's so much to say about that dynamic I can't even....)

 

Anyway, it has NEVER been more clear in this series that Dean = feminine and Sam = masculine. Why, you ask?

 

Right now we're in a two-season arc of body-control or lack thereof. This series generally works in this way, one issue will be presented over a season - and the next season will take the opposite tact. S2- dad sacrifice, S3 - Dean sacrifice. Now we're in the follow-up to season 4's "Sam's addiction" with this problem: Dean as possible body for Gabriel. What we have to fight this season (besides Sam's continuing addiction to demon blood/drugs) is a hovering threat of rape. Yes, folks, because that's what is essentially at stake. Sam's lack of control over his body presents itself in an addiction (*coughbuffyseasonsixcough*) - but Dean's lack of control over his body presents itself as a threat of penetration - a threat of his body being used by a (male) someone bigger, stronger, and more aggressive than him.

 

Guise. This is epic huge. This is big stuff. And the writer's don't even mess around with this. It's straight up clear that Dean is the feminine element that the show seems to lack. Problematic? Hell yeah... especially since I know that Jo is doomed to die (probably in this season). And quite frankly, Jo should be a Winchester - I know it's more interesting for the writers to have sexual chemistry between Dean and Jo - but come on! Little Sister Jo would be so much more interesting than Potential Frack Jo. Any day. In my head - they are siblings. And Dean will end up when it's all over with his Reaper (their love is REAL)... or Anna. Hell, I don't really care which. The point is - the only way we're ever going to come to a point in which this show has anything redeeming to say about gender is if we let go of Jensen Ackles and embrace Dean as he is = the feminine.

 

 

These are my thoughts.

 

And they are making me wonder if, once I get through SPN and am caught up - if there is a parallel between this dynamic with the Salvatores (or even the Originals... 'cause let's face it, Klaus and Elijah are just another set of Salvatores) in terms of control and gender. tVD is tricky, because it's so much more complex. mmmm.....

Life and other things

It's funny. The past two years have been emotionally exhausting in every possible way.

My childhood was shitty and after I graduated HS, I made a silent promise to myself that I would live a calm, happy, loving life with people who loved and supported each other. And for a while I was able to just escape into my early 20's and that fiesta post-HS relationship that is all things optimism. I thought I had said goodbye to the angsty life that my parents represented. I cut myself off from the negative elements of my childhood that I felt were the source of all my drama and emotional upheaval.

Today I realized... Or rather, I let go of that optimism and found something new.

I've been feeling like, if I just cut out the drama, I could focus on school and my career and myself. That I could live in a drama-free bubble that only let in low levels of emotion. My ex, he lives his life this way. There's a layer between him and emotions, between him and the world. And I envied him.

Now that he's gone.... Or rather, when his bubble stopped protecting me I dealt with each problem that came along with as much detachment as possible. I thought that I could recreate the bubble.

The past year and a half, I've been constantly mystified by drama. It always felt as though there was some fluke in the universe. I was out of the drama. I had cut it out. I could avoid it forever.

But today I was reminded, that "drama" and emotional upheaval is what makes up life. And in order to live in a world on which people support and love people ... I'm going to have days of crying into my cell phone, sitting on the floor of the hallway in my work building. Because when someone I love has a problem, the walls have to come down. I can't live in an emotion-free bubble anymore.

It never suited me, anyway.

This means I'm probably going to have days where school and my thesis are going to be that element that seems surreal. This means that I'm going to need ALL the trolling comment ficathons at all times to keep me smiling and loving the world. This means that I'm going to be an emotional mess.

But that bubble is gone. I don't have to justify my emotional involvement in the world to anyone. I don't have to feel bad about loving so hard I cry when you cry. Or hating so hard that I yell. Or trying so hard to be supportive that a part of me breaks a little.

This is me, world. This is finally me. All floating wildly in the world, letting it all again.

Cause here's the thing: last week a bunch of bizarrely bad things happened. No day was complete without a total catastrophe. But it was a great week. I was just happy for the first time since B left. Happy even in the midst of disaster.

That's the thing about leaving the bubble: the good is GOOD and its worth all the bad. I'll cry for you because it hurts so good to feel.

SPN 5.1 "Sympathy for the Devil"

January is finally here. And January means no more wallowing in all the crap that I've been through the past couple of years. It means happiness, and focus, and dedication to my personal projects. It means that Supernatural is back in my life.


So I'm pretty sure that I've watched this episode three times and every time it's like the first time. Even now, five minutes later, I'm fuzzy on the details. I remember hilarious lines and wacky-fun happenings, but it's murky at best.


I was thinking of giving you all an actual walk-through review, but that's just not my style, kids. Let's just talk about the character development-y things, kay?

• Bobby's "Stuff your sorrys in a sack, mister"

What is FASCINATING to me about these two scenes - the first being when Bobby tells Sam that he's a douchebag preteen asshole that caused Armageddon and the second being Bobby telling Sam that he's family and can always come back - is Dean's FACE! It is literally the same expression in both scenes. He never flinches. There's no movement, no emotion. It's like for the first time Dean is (maybe not enjoying) but actually allowing Sam to go through emotional torture and punishment. No rushing to little brother's defense. No emotional reaction, merely watching and observing. This is not a Dean-norm. He's Mr. Man of Action guy. And I'm not trying to make everything about Dean (even though, if you've read any of my reactions to this series you know that I think everything is about Dean), but the repeated scene, the repeated reaction, the camera's attention to Dean's inaction... all important stuff people.

• Sam's constant puppy-face

Is puppy-like. Does this kid ever learn to vocalize without sighing?

• Angel-condom

"You simpering wad of insecurity and self-loathing? No. You're just a human, Dean. And not much one of them." 

I love this quote. That is all.

OH! And Castiel is my hero. 
He's also Dean's hero. THIS. This is good stuff, people. THIS is why I love Dean.

• Guilt, Dean's got it too - oh wait, you didn't catch that? Yeah, that's the point.

All of Sam's insecurities are always aired out, talked over, put "under the microscope" - people have to encourage him after they beat him down. Dean? Oh boy does he have guilt. He knows he's the first seal. Is he telling anyone? Is he going up to his baby brother with puppy eyes and saying "sorry for existing, guys"? Does he blurt out "sorry for selling my soul so that you could live and ending up in hell and torturing people and becoming the first seal"? 

No.

Why? 

Damon Salvatore can tell us: "You brood too much. My actions, I own them. They belong to me."

Damon and Dean... they're like long-lost blood brothers. They aren't about to put their problems on the shoulders of others.

It's also like what Dean complained about (re: Sam and John and their "I'm such a martyr" crap) - there's a fine line between selflessness and selfishness.  For Dean, this line is negligible. He knows that being the martyr is selfish, that wanting Sam to live is more about his own problem than Sam's. 

Being sorry =/= saying sorry. Saying sorry means that you are expecting forgiveness. Difference between Dean and Sam? Sam believes he's worth forgiving, and he'll force that sack of sorrys down your throat until he feels better about himself... even if that means putting his self-worth on the shoulders of others. Dean does not. He's not about to ask for forgiveness - what good would that do? It would make someone else feel guilty for not wanting to forgive.

Which is why I'm so proud of him at the end, for not giving in to Sam's selfishness. Sam is untrustworthy and Dean doesn't need to feel guilty for not trusting him. He does, you know he does. But he FINALLY has gotten the clue that maybe he doesn't need to.

My hope for the season: 

- that we see a continued progression in Sam's powers sans drug-addiction (let's just NOT dwell on the sex/blood/women/drugs metaphor right now, kay?)

- that ALL the scenes involve Dean and Castiel. 'Cause that's a ship I can get behind.

- that Meg gets a better host and is interesting again

- that Jo comes back and kicks everyone's ass for leaving her in the dark

- that Dean has at least ONE moment of happiness, one moment sans self-torture

- Jared Padelacki learns to act

Favorite Boy: Dean. Why is this even a section? Dean is always my favorite
Rating: 3.5/5 - there's good stuff here, but Sam just grates


Roomie's Favorite Boy: uh... Dean. Is that an actual question?
Roomie's Rating: 3/5 - not the greatest, in hindsight - what it's leading up to... it's just ridiculous

Random huff... more later

learning and education - it always makes you a better person, because everything that you learn widens your perspective and makes you realize all the things you don't know --- and the only way to get to a point where we actually care about other people, is when we care enough about ourselves to invest in ourselves